Mary Haines Bates Duff

Mary Haines Bates Duff, affectionately known as “Polly,” passed away unexpectedly at her home in Norwalk, Connecticut, on August 25, 2025. She was 70 years old.

Polly was born on June 30, 1955, and spent most of her life in Greenwich, Connecticut. The daughter of Alice Haines Bates (a former teacher at Eastern and Greenwich High School) and the late Barstow Bates, she grew up in a loving family that nurtured her soft-spoken and kind spirit. Polly graduated from Greenwich High School in 1973.

In her senior year of high school, she directed the senior showcase, Standing Room Only (SRO). She attended Middlebury College and spent her junior year in Cartagena, Colombia. She later worked for the Town of Greenwich in the Assessor’s Office and for Georgia Pacific.

She was an accomplished sailor, like her father, and won Sunfish tournaments on Nantucket. She had an extraordinary memory; as the family historian, she knew everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries like an encyclopedia. She had an adventurous spirit and traveled across the country via Greyhound bus. She skied in Truckee near Tahoe, and she visited San Miguel de Allende, Mexico with her family, even though crowds were difficult for her. She was a prolific andexperimental cook. Her brightly hooked pillows, knit hats, and abstract paintings, ALL, evoke treasured remembrances.

She had angelic patience and was always kind, diffusing tensions with her humor and her joyful presence. She inherited her grandmother’s musical genius and played lively Joplin Rags and Christmas carols on the piano. She was a gifted charades player and stunned everyone with her hilarious acting and memory.

Her husband, Robert William Duff died in 2007, her sister-in-law Valerie Lynn (Duff) Kennedy died in 2011, and her father, Barstow Bates died in 2015. Her mother, Alice (Phelps) Haines Bates, at 95, lives vibrantly in Wallingford, CT. Polly leaves behind two sons: Charles William Duff, his wife Sonia Bernadette (Rivera) Duff and three grandchildren of Danbury, CT; as well as Patrick James Duff of Norwalk, CT.

Her siblings: Devon Lane Beckett (husband, Bill), Rowland Barstow Bates (wife, Beth Mays), Thomas Phelps Bates (wife, Martha Avery), and Hoa Tran (husband, Jeff Nebenzahl); as well as many nieces, nephews, and grands of the Duff and Bates families, miss her terribly.

Her friends and family will forever remember her gentle heart, steady kindness, and the quiet strength she carried throughout her life. Polly was a member of First Congregational Church of Norwalk where she loved the music and found comfort and community.

A memorial service will be held on Sunday, October 12 at noon,at the First Congregational Church in Norwalk, 3 Lewis Street, Norwalk, CT, followed by internment of her ashes in the Memorial Garden.

Polly is deeply missed and lovingly remembered.